Essentials in Midlife – reflections on what’s helpful now

As a woman living in her middle years and having the privilege of helping guide other women through this beautiful but also sometimes confronting time of life, I have found some consistent themes and things that can be helpful to consider.

I hope this article serves you.

Slowing down

One of the greatest keys to wellbeing in midlife is a slower pace, but not from a “I’m getting older” lens, but rather through the lens of paying attention to what truly matters now and deepening into it in a way that brings you pleasure.  

We can’t be fully present and still be rushing or cramming more onto an already full to do list. Choosing slow doesn’t mean fading away and boring, choosing slow means being discerning with our time and energy and intentional in the way we show up. It means quality living.

More alone time

It’s not really possible to become present to ourselves and our needs if we are constantly surrounded by the thoughts, energies and presence of other people – either in person or online. 

To begin to really connect with our own being we need intentional and relaxed time alone every day.  It doesn’t have to be big blocks of time but it does need to be nurturing and relaxing. If we don’t check in with ourselves at least once a day without distraction how can we ever know who we are and how we are ?  It’s like trying to have a friendship with someone that you never speak to.

So make checking in a daily act of self love.

Some options to consider might be a slow morning walk, lying down and resting for 15 minutes, sitting in your car near a nice park or beach with a slow cuppa, journalling for 5-10 minutes every day (before bed or on waking) or sitting silently for 5 minutes in the sun.

Body connection and care

Our bodies are sacred and they are the ultimate truth teller of our beliefs and our internal state. As a kinesiologist, one of the first things I learned was simply that your body doesn’t lie.  Your mind on the other hand will tell you all kinds of things that are based in subconscious fear, and learned beliefs but your body is a pure record and reflection of the truth beneath the ego’s façade.

Unfortunately as women, many of us hold a lot of shame around our bodies and it can hold us back in many ways. We put negative labels on our bodies like“too fat” “too thin” and we attack our bodies with these thoughts often punishing ourselves with excess  exercise, restrictive diets or total neglect. In midlife we start to notice many of our past “push through” approaches no longer work.  This is a time to lean in to what our bodies truly need and give them more love not punishment. 

If we are willing to look at our bodies as the vehicles through which we experience life, we can then begin to honor them in ways we might not have previously considered. So instead of restrictive dieting, we look to foods that give our bodies the nutrients they need at this stage of our life. Exercise is about feeling the pleasure of movement, whatever you choose, walking, swimming, dancing, yoga, tai chi and more.  Remember it’s about tuning in, connecting and enjoying your body.

Even small rituals like using a moisturiser on your body after the shower might not seem like much, but for busy midlife women, the process of slowing down long enough to gently rub the soothing cream into their skin can be a revolutionary act of self care with potentially life changing consequences.

Feel Your Feelings

Midlife is a time when we are being invited to reconnect to ourselves in new ways. One of the most powerful ways to come back to yourself is simply to drop into your body and notice what you are feeling, without judgement. Just the act of noticing in the moment is often enough to make a profound and positive shift in your internal state. For women who are experts at solving problems and living from their mind there is incredible transformative power to be found in relying on your feelings rather than your thoughts.

Midlife is a time to stop living from the “neck up” and instead drop into your entire being, including your body.

Nourishing relationships

Midlife can be a time of curation of many things in our life but often it’s our relationships. It doesn’t have to be dramatic, it is often just a recognition that we no longer wish to partake in certain types of conversations or exchanges.  We start to value our time and our energy more and we also often want deeper more uplifting conversations. Sometimes it’s just a shift away from negative conversations to people and topics that make us feel good. 

As we move into more positive, compassionate conversation with ourselves we often find that those people in our lives who operate differently fade away without any effort on our part.  It’s a type of gentle natural selection that happens as we become more authentic and kinder to ourselves.

Power of Presence

Midlife is a time where we can truly claim the truth that we no longer wish to be measured loved or valued based on our achievements. We have reached a point where we are finally willing to let go and lead with our presence, the essence of our being. It is a time to finally recognise and live from the belief that we are enough.

The Power of the Pause

Something I learned a long time ago during my days in communications work is that “others hear you in the pause”.

If you are continually speaking, if you speak fast, just notice if you really have anyone’s attention.

The way to be heard and the way to hear yourself is to take a breath pause between sentences, sometimes even words.  Let it land and make it intentional.  Allow the energy of your words and the power of your presence to be your signature. This is true midlife power.

As we reach this midlife point there are so many opportunities to live in ways we may never have considered.  All of them, if we are willing to pause and pivot, are leading us into greater levels of joy , deepening our relationships, improving our wellbeing  and ultimately  our fulfillment. So instead of seeing midlife a s a time of increased pressure burden and decline why not  take the time to turn around and lean into living life through the lens of new possibilities, personal power and presence.

Ready to go deeper?

If you would like to explore some of these topics in more depth take a look at The Calm and Clarity Reset.